Engagement

Dean and I have been together for a lil over 10 months bit we both decided that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. I do love him, and I’m in love with him and he feels the same way about me.

Of course we still bicker. Things aren’t  perfect, but I love the progress we’ve made with eachother, and I know that all we can do is go up from here. We’ve built our apartment from the ground up. We went from nothing but couch and a couch cushion to sleep on to a full living room set and a dining room and an office with a fish tank, and a queen size bed and dressers and we got thermal curtains to keep the apartment cooler. My dad, aunt, and even my mom (with very minor things) has helped me transport furniture and gave us a few gifts. We’ve even been able to save a LOT of money and it’s come in handy for when I had to get a new starter for my car.

Well Dean proposed to me this morning. We picked out our rings together and have matching black and rose gold tungsten bands. We didn’t ask dad for his blesing yet, so I can’t be too open about it, but we are still planning on asking him and etc. 

I’m kinda tipsy right now and I regret it. I drunk the wine too fast and feel sick. So if this had a lot of typos I’m sorry. Feels like I’m dying of alcohol poisoning (not really but I’m just bleh). My fiance is here comforting me even though I’ve been a meanie all night. He’s so good to me. We are planning on having the wedding in May after I get my associates on business degree. 

Well just wanted to tell y’all the news. Love y’all. Be safe.

P.S. Bonus meme versions of ourselves and a pic from our journey to an old graffiti-ed bridge in my old neighborhood.

Advertisements

Because I Can’t Sleep

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this but I am officially moved in with my boyfriend Dean. 

It’s been a lil rough and rocky, cause we are trying to make sure we are seated on a good lump of savings and figure out how we split up the bills. We have also both gained a lil weight and are going to the gym now. Gym is awful but we try to have fun. I’ve had a lot of trust issues, not because he’s given me a reason, but because I’ve been insecure and I want to be his like dream girl so he doesn’t look somewhere else. I think I’m overthinking all the time and it makes the changes hard. But I know he loves me. I need to write that more and believe it more.

I’m still doing a lot of self discovery. I realized a lot of issues in my childhood made me poorly adjusted but I know I can overcome them. I just need time. 

I need to write more but I also need to try to sleep…. Got a new job and quit Walmart. I’m a cake decorator at Dairy Queen. I love it and they love me. 

I made this dragon today and got a lot of compliments. It’s awesome.

Well goodnight people. Til we meet again. 

Valentine’s Day Post

It’s Valentine’s Day, and so close to my 20th birth day I can’t believe it. 

Things are really looking up for the apartment that Dean and I have.  I’m still moving in in march, and I’m hella excited for it. We still don’t have a LOT but we gave enough for right now. And that works. 

There really isn’t a better feeling right now, than getting to lay with the love of my life at a night. It’s wonderful. And I’m so proud of him for trying to get things toget her and findingredients a job, even if it’s crappy pay, and all the other little sweet things he does for me, like get me dinner and by sweets and stuffed animals and coloring books, and working hard to better himself so he can support the both of us. I love him to death. I feel bad when he says he feels like he doesn’t do enough for me when he does the most with the resources that he has. 

I know we aren’t the model of a perfect relationship, but I feel like we are pretty damn close. And not because of what we do together, but that we focus on doing what works for us, and not trying to show off that we are perfect, we are just great for eachother…

I wish I would have finished this post the other night when I had all these emotions and love flowing through me. But I’m a bit tired today. 

Y’all have a happy Valentine’s Day!

Help

So Dean and I are trying to figure things out. We have a payment plan worked out. It’s a little Rocky but I think that we can do it. 

It’s hard because I did sort of lose my temper over him just talking to me about it because he did it in a tone that sounded degrading made it sound like if I can’t put things on the table then he’ll find a different roommate. That’s a little harsh you know. I said before a lot that I want to make things work, and I know he’s not in a great position to fully support himself. But neither am I. Eck. Idk. I just want things to work without being horrible. I’m not so much worried about the money as I am about maintaining the relationship, cause this is very new to me. Hope it goes well.

While I’m At It

While I’m actually taking the time to update my blog and such, I might as well post about a few things while I am thinking about it. 

So I have been trying to work on not being such a control freak. Like I realized I get really hard on others and myself for things that are out of my control and my aunt has been calling me a dictator about my boyfriend lately, so I want to back off. In which I realized backing off is hard because while he is an adult of course, but sometimes he is forgetful or doesn’t seem to want to do things or make decisions so I have to crawl up in his ass so he does something. I want to be encouraging but not controlling. But it’s hard to find that medium that is more encouraging than being a dictator. 

I’m not even sure how to feel about it sometimes. Like I don’t know if I should just step out completely or if I should be there to make sure he is doing the right thing and be able to work as a team to move forward together. Eck. 

I know this might be rough when we move in together, but I think it will be good, because then I can be sure that he can get to things like work, and classes, and other stuff and he doesn’t have to rely on other people, and I am in closer access so that I don’t have to drive to the edge of town and stuff. I think that we can help each other grow together if we are in closer contact with each other. I just have to work on being more patient and less sensitive, that’s the big issue on my part. 

Hope all goes well. We will find out in March. 

School

Things have been a lot smoother since I made the decision to skip out on college choir for this semester. It’s mostly because I’ve decided to move in with my boyfriend in March, and I want the time to adjust to living with him, and that will be difficult with choir because of how demanding my professor is. It was awkward seeing the professor at Walmart and he asked me if I was going to be in choir, to which I responded no, and then he kinda made a funny face. I said I might consider next semester, but it all depends on how I have been feeling. 

So far I like all of my classes. They seem to be centered in self betterment and self improvement, and that’s something I’ve been trying to do, albeit slowly. I do want to shape up before moving in with my honey because I think that emotionally I am not in a good place to handle like stress and conflict and other such issues. But I do want to make things work with babe and to have a good life. I want to be able to have guests over and have a good time. 

But I don’t think school is going to be too overly difficult. It seems like it’s mostly going to be a lot of little assignments and attending class and I think that will be easier. I just want to be able to graduate and earn a degree so I can go on to be certified in medical tech professions. I hope everything goes according to plan.

Well…

I’m not really sure what to talk about right now. I know there are a few things I need to go in depth about but I don’t know if I have the patience to cover everything. All I know is that right now I’m hella bored and still at Dean’s. I WISH HE’D WAKE UP AND LOVE ON ME. But it’s fine lol. I think I should be getting my new phone today too and I’m excited for that. I kinda wish this week was over though. I’ve been super crampy and hurting and I feel horrible. I know tomorrow my friends want to play dirty Santa and etc. And then I will be playing dirty Santa with my family on Christmas. 

The great thing will be my mom hosting Christmas this year and her place. She usually never gets me anything on Christmas and says she has no money to (liar) but since she wants everyone to come over I wonder if she got little gifts this time. I meant it doesn’t have to be much. It’s the thought that counts. 

But anyway I’m going to be bringing Dean along for the holidays and that should be fun, I hope. My dad seems to like him enough and I hope my mom doesn’t freak out about me bringing him. Hopefully Dean gets to meet my brother too, I think my brother will like him, but he’ll probably crush Dean like a soda can 😂😂

There is just like so much going through my head, but like nothing at the same time. Babe said he was gonna get up and cook eggs but he’s still out, so I guess I’ll make them… Maybe. Idk. I’m just bored.